Something I have decided to do (and I am so happy that I did) was keep little notes in my notes app on my phone throughout the month. To be honest, I wanted to write little things each day and pull it all together at the end of the month into a single blog post. I do realize though, in my ever-long process of how I'll manage this revolution of the blog, that it isn't realistic to think I'd write everyday. Thank god I'm realizing that!
Anyway! I am so excited to share my first Monthly Recap (February) with you. These are not going to be meant for any other reason than to share in the thoughts with you that I've been having throughout the month. I feel like maybe, JUST MAYBE they might be able to help you process some things?
"Today was a day I felt so grateful for the light in my apartment."
If I'm honest (and I think there's a plethora of people who probably feel the same way as me, light unbelievably affects me. Please drop a comment if you agree, but natural lighting specifically is so important to my mood. One of the first things I thought about when my lease was up in my old spot was how I wanted the next place I moved to have light RAINING its way into my space.
When my mood is so poor that nothing can help it, the least I can do is look up and see light bringing a positivity balance into the space. I've been going through an unimaginable amount for a while now, and just having the airy feel of light entering the apartment is the perfect uplift that can really help every once in a while. It is so important to me. I cannot wait until I get my own house so that I can pick the perfect one with a bajillion windows. Yes, I know it will be a lot to clean. No, I don't care.
"Polarizing, getting over _, Lizzo, Makeup."
Clearly I was feeling a lot of things this day, I am here for it. Feeling things is something I need way more of in my life. I don't feel enough. I was reflecting this day about how polarizing some of my feelings were, it was a combination of how I felt about my work situation, about my relationships, and about how much I let it affect other aspects of my life. It was about how it literally takes over me as a person, and so negatively ravages every aspect of my being. This sounds dramatic, but depression and anxiety can take you places - that's exactly how polarizing it is.
I don't even know where to start about the 'getting over_' at all. There is so much to it. I met a guy in 2012ish online and we had an instant connection. It was amazing. I don't know what it was about him, but we got along so well - even when he asked me to play tennis on our first date. (I know, I know) Our first date was tennis and then dinner/drinks at this cute little shore spot on the water. Fast forward all 8 of these years, we only dated for a short time of that but we've had undeniable chemistry and on and off flirting and "together," I really don't know how else to explain it other than that.
I think I've definitely realized that there's something in me that loves him and doesn't want to let him go. At the same time, I don't think he's giving me the same attention/time back and that I think I deserve. It has been really hard for me. I have had him and his sarcasm in my life for so long and I just don't want to let it go because I love it. It's that simple. He yins and I yang. He's tall and I'm short. We just ... work. Recently though he's been acting real sketchy. I when I told him that, his response was "well, we can give it another shot, you know how it is when we're together." BUT! What the hell kind of answer is that? There's so much more to unpack here, and we will. I did though, put this thought in my review because I feel it so hard recently. It's been really hard to get over and past him. I just don't want to do it if I'm being honest.
Lizzo! What else do I even have to say? To tie into the above, I've been listing to Cuz I Love You religiously. Also, she's just a bad ass human being. I love her entire album ever since I first heard that song in the Gina Rodriguez movie it appeared in.
I have been trying some new makeup lately that I cannot rave enough about! I was really wanting to take a bigger leap into makeup. I hardly ever wear it in the summer and mostly only a highlighter and some mascara. When it came to the winter, I was wearing mostly a random foundation, some eyeliner and mascara. I recently stepped it up a notch and got a highlighter (roll on from Fenty) and a concealer from Benefit. I have been using it for the past month and have nothing but positive things to say about it. The only thing I hope to change/see in the next highlighter I get, is less glitter and more glow!
No comments